| And so it came to
pass that a child was born. This child was good in heart and spirit, but carried
from birth the unholy burden of Weenie. And beneath the unholy Weenie was
the Sack of Evil. And inside the Sack of Evil were the Cojones of Darkness.
And the child did spake unto the the Lord and asked, "What the fuck Lord?"
And the Lord did answer, "Goeth ye to the doctor." And goeth to the doctor
did the child go, eth-eth. And the doctor did give the child the magic purple
pills to swallow. And yea did the boobies did verily grow. And it was good.
And the Sack of Evil did shrivel slightly, which was kinda good. But the child
was also soon possessed by the demons of PMS and Raging-Angry-Asshole, which
really sucked. But the child dealt with it. And after many moons, the child
did goeth to the doctor again. And the doctor did cut off the unholy Weenie.
The Cojones of Darkness were then plucked out with a pair of hot tongs and
cast into the darkness from which they came. Finally the Sack of Evil was
trimmed by a weedwhacker. And thus did the Lord come down from the Heavens
and give the child the mark of her blessing, the Vagina of Depth. And the
Lord, she did say unto this child, "Now use what I have given you to go forth
and make people laugh, and rejoice, and generally fuck with their minds.
Draw unto them the funny pictures with the words that you make up after too
many mixed drinks. And don't let the demons ShittyServer and ShittyJob fuck
with thee. For thou shalt kick their asses like a grenade unto a frog's asshole."
And the child, she did rejoice verily. And thusly was Erin of Lindsey inflicted
upon the world.......... From the Gospel of Venus Envy |